Make the Pie Higher

by George W. Bush

I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It's a world of madmen
And uncertainty
And potential mental losses.

Rarely is the question asked
Is our children learning?
Will the highways of the internet
Become more few?
How many hands have I shaked?

They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.
I know that the human being and the fish
Can coexist.

Families is where our nation finds hope
Where our wings take dream.
Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize society!
Make the pie higher!
Make the pie higher!
Major league.

*Richard Thompson, January 2001. Assembled from actual quotes. Arranged for aesthetic reasons only.

The Student's Prayer

The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not flunk
He keepeth me from lying down when I should be studying
He leadeth me beside "Easy Way" for a study break
He restores my faith in study guides
He leads me to better study habits
For my grades' sake
Yea, though I walk through the valley of borderline grades
I will not have a nervous breakdown
For thou art with me
My prayers and my friends, they comfort me
Thou givest me the answer in moments of blankness
Thou anointest my head with understanding
My test papers runneth over with questions I recognise
Surely passing grades and flying colours shall follow me
All the days of my examinations
And I shall not have to dwell in this exam hall forever